Anyballs...

So, this week has sucked. Sorry for the impending over-share,...

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:08:50 -0500

So, this week has sucked.

Sorry for the impending over-share, buuuut…

Deborah Downer’s of this week: Having to cancel a trip to NYC that I booked on a non-refundable-or-transferable one-day deal with several other friends of mine because I double-booked it during a wedding as I’m a dumb-dumb-DUMB-dumb… Getting a “thanks, but no thanks” for one of maybe 2 TV writing gigs this fucking country has to offer that are actually in my immediate wheelhouse… the perpetual bum shadow lingering from this entire Whitney Houston incident… and biggest bummer - a friend of mine from University, the beautiful, loving, talented lady pictured above, Laura Rocca passed after a long battle with an absolutely ghastly cancer…

She was 31. Which is pretty much the shittiest age to pass, I would think. Having to go through all the bullshit and laying all the framework of your 20’s without reaping the [presumed] benefits of your 30’s. It’s all reeeeeally bumming me out. So if everyone can just put their hands to heaven and thank whoever, whatever for their health, that would probably be best.

Anyway… I’m off to spend my weekend wearing yoga pants and a hard glower and gorge on Junior Mints until I make one, in effect, Senior Mint… have a good one…

—- Aj

Here’s my theory: “Toddlers &...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 23:45:22 -0500

Here’s my theory: “Toddlers & Tiara’s” is like the gentrified, more palatable version of THIS.

Same basic appeal.

Yes?

Close, but no cigar.

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:26:10 -0500

Close, but no cigar.

childhood-nostalgia: Ahahaaha, I can’t. I think this is as 90’s...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 19:32:26 -0500

childhood-nostalgia:

Ahahaaha, I can’t. I think this is as 90’s as it gets.

GPOY, Joan Crawford in blackface-edition… I’m...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 15:48:49 -0500

GPOY, Joan Crawford in blackface-edition…

I’m currently reading the original print edition of “Mommie Dearest”. It’s exactly like the movie, only without the high camp infusion c/o Faye Dunaway. So, basically - an unfettered account of child abuse.

I’ll be sure to give at thorough report once I’m done.

This is very poignant, as pundits are predicting an historic...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 08:00:05 -0500

This is very poignant, as pundits are predicting an historic double-Blacktress win for Viola Davis AND Octavia Spencer.

dilab: It’s important to blow off some steam after work

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:30:17 -0500

dilab:

It’s important to blow off some steam after work

Photo

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:29:05 -0500

I told you about my Whitney / Adele Mashup, right? How I mashed...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:00:06 -0500

I told you about my Whitney / Adele Mashup, right? How I mashed up “I Will Always Love You” and “Someone Like You” into something predictably called “I Will Always Love Someone Like You”?

No? I didn’t? Well here it is.

dead

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 17:35:55 -0500

*dead*

Gloriousness.

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 13:48:26 -0500

Gloriousness.

And that’s that. Just finished watching Whitney’s...

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 17:10:07 -0500

And that’s that.

Just finished watching Whitney’s funeral. Blorph.

Something to know about me: Whitney is my jam. My ‘thing’. The “home team” that I root for, as it were. Since I was but a mangy teen, anyone who’s known me three degrees north of being an acquaintance would probably tell you that Whitney is synonymous in their minds with me. Throughout the past week, I’ve heard from people I hadn’t heard from in a cool decade to express condolences - many more than I’d ever get for the loss of a parent, I’m pretty sure…

I was napping last Saturday when I found out. Yerxa called me. Said something to the effect of “I hope you’re sitting down” - which, next to “stop the presses”, is an expression I’d always hoped to use/was used on me in earnest - and told me: “Whitney Houston is dead”.

The entire night was fucking weird. The feelings I felt Saturday night were so perfectly representative of why I love Whitney in the first place. On one hand, “HOLY FUCK. THE VOICE IS DEAD”. On the other, “Ohhhhh that Whitney and her antics!”.

I think you had two distinct camps of Whitney fans - those who loved her music and image that defined her earlier years without any sort of irony and those who loved her larger than life skit-like existence that defined her later years… I occupied that bizarre middle ground - connecting with her voice, and music and image to my very core, yet also LIVING for her antics.

To echo the words of her mentor, Clive Davis (my non-ironic appreciation of Whitney, par example) she was the ultimate diva and the closest thing to plain, objective perfection in that capacity that we’re ever going to know. Her voice was like a Stradivarius, capable of doing anything in its prime. Palatable enough to any ear but with an attitude, character and soul all of its own. As a performer, she was absolutely peerless - and I mean that… In my opinion, Barbra, Aretha, Celine all come close, but are still a slight tier below Whitney. Whatever the fuck “it” was, was defined by Whitney. There were no clunky wheels turning in Whitney’s head. Very rarely does someone sing, and you feel that it’s a more natural bodily function that passing an, ahem, ‘dootie bubble’ - that was what Whitney had.

Beyond the connection to the actual music, the raw power of the image she cut is just unparallelled… I’d liken it to this: imagine one of the top drag queen’s of all time working on a lipsynch in the mirror for 3 weeks straight with Olympic-level discipline, plotting out every dramatic gesture and loading intention into every nuance until the illusion was completely inhabited. That was what Whitney could do as effortlessly as breathing.

Beyond that, I am going to miss her antics. OH, I am going to miss her antics. Her character was so obliviously larger than life - anything that came out of her mouth in the past decade was captivating and riotous. I’m entirely serious when I say that not only did I lose my favorite singer, I also lost one of my favorite comedians. I CERTAINLY lost a source of a good portion of my material, belie’ dat.

So, to pay tribute to Whitney on the day she’s laid to rest, BITCH, YOU KNOW I MADE A MIX. AND IT’S FIERCE.

And no, this is NOT just someone glorifiedly cross-fading her entire ‘Disc 2: Throw Down’ of her Greatest Hits… this was meticulous curation and mixology… so, download it: http://bitchsalad.libsyn.com/whitney-houston-home-going-megamix-andrew-johnston-mp3

Track Listing:

Greatest Love of All (Club 69 Mix)

Million Dollar Bill (Frankie Knuckles Director’s Cut)

I’m Every Woman (Clivilles & Cole Every Woman’s House Mix)

So Emotional (Extended Original)

How Will I Know (Jellybean’s Original Mastermix)

Queen of The Night (CJ’s Mastermix)

Thinking About You [Ft. Kashif] (Extended Original)

It Isn’t, It Wasn’t, It Ain’t Ever Gonna Be [Ft. Aretha Franklin] (Extended Original)

I’m Your Baby Tonight (Yvonne Turner Remix)

Whatchulookinat? [Ft. P Diddy] (Bad Boy Remix)

My Love Is Your Love [Ft. Wyclef Jean & Dyme] (Wyclef Mix)

My Name Is Not Susan [Ft. Monie Love] (Funkymix)

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Original Extended)

Someone For Me (Extended Original)

Love That Man (Pound Boys Mix)

Try It On My Own (Maurice’s NuSoul Mix)

Love Will Save The Day (RadBoy 2009 Pier Dance Mix)

Step By Step (Tony Moran Diva X Diva Mix)

I Look To You (Johnny Vicious Club Mix)

I Will Always Love You (Hex Hector Mix)

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength (Junior Vasquez Big Room Mix)

It’s Not Right But It’s Okay (Thunderpuss Mix)

I Learned From The Best (Junior Vasquez Millenium Mix)

Same Script, Different Cast [Ft. Deborah Cox] (Thunderpuss Mix)

Heartbreak Hotel [Ft. Faith Evans & Kelly Price] (Hex Hector Mix)

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Junior Vasquez Mix)

RIP Whitney, Now & Forever,

—- Aj

And because I’d like to leave every breath I give and take...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:51:32 -0500

And because I’d like to leave every breath I give and take on a hopeful note, this:

@HeidiBrander this is the troubled performance we were talking...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:46:49 -0500

@HeidiBrander this is the troubled performance we were talking about #RaiseMeUpInTheHouse

THE best live performance of Whitney’s “I Wanna...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:42:41 -0500

THE best live performance of Whitney’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” EVER.

#JustSoYouKnow

I am in complete and total shock right now. Like, TOXIC shock...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:30:26 -0500

I am in complete and total shock right now.

Like, TOXIC shock right now. I can’t feel my body.

Holy fuck.

Must you and your post-baby bikini bod haunt even my vocabulary...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:13:19 -0500

Must you and your post-baby bikini bod haunt even my vocabulary enhancement endeavors, Mariah?

Really, thesaurus.com? Your target market is people who will take dietary advice from Mariah Carey?

Me, on any given week.

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:21:01 -0500

Me, on any given week.

So, this is pretty amazing. Did you know that before he died,...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 09:26:03 -0500

So, this is pretty amazing.

Did you know that before he died, Bob Fosse was set to direct the film version of ‘Chicago’ starring Liza Minnelli as Velma (duh), Goldie Hawn as Roxie and Frank Sinatra as Billy Flynn?

This is basically the only taste we’ll ever know of it, and to the surprise of no one, it would have been fucking momentous.

Get a room already.

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:03:01 -0500

Get a room already.