DRAG RACE RECAP/SPOILERS!

MAINLY FOR HEIDI’S BENEFIT!

Mini challenge: make a padded ass in half an hour. They were split into three teams of 4. 1 of the 4 was anointed with having the best padding. They were all straight-up busted except for Chad Michaels, who’s basically a wizard. For real - he created a perfectly symmetrical prosthetic out of leftover cot stuffing in the time it takes me to do m’ hair and tie m’ laces. At any rate - Phi Phi, Willam and Chad won.

Boom - team captains… the challenge - Drag Queen Wrestlers. Indirectly, it’s an episode of G.L.O.W. The fuck is being felt out of it by me. Two of them are the heroes (or, “faces”) and two of them are the villains (or “heels”) - or in G.L.O.W. terms, two of them are Jackie Stallone’s Sweethearts and two of them were Kitty’s Killers.

Lead-up backstory: Princess isn’t into it enough; 800 pound LaTrice and Thumbelina-esque Kenya as a team is the greatest thing ever; Madamme LaQueer’s ankle might not hold out… however… something that WILL hold out: her resemblance to Kathy Najimy…

Showtime: IT’S THE BEST EVER!!! It was like watching G.L.O.W. but a million times better because ACTUAL drag queens are doing it, not just female female impersonators! I can’t even describe how entertaining I found it… I was cupping my damned mouth in elation…

Runway Motif: Girly Girl. A lot of pink.

Winning Team: Chad Michaels, Madamme LaQueer, Milan and Sharon Needles… Chad & Madamme LaQueer are the ‘standouts’, and although they don’t receive immunity, guess what they DO receive? RISQUE WIGS!!!!!

Middle Team: Phi Phi O’Hara, Dida Ritz, LaTrice Royale & Kenya Michaels… Phi Phi is told she’s reading ‘old’… they trash Dida, who looks a hot mess and whose days are obviously numbered… they praise LaTrice and tell Kenya that she’s the one to beat.

Bottom Team: Willam, LaShauw Beyond, The Princess, Jiggly Caliente… Jiggly was the only one really acting the part, and quite hilariously… she was really serving some Maury Povich “Skank Boot Camp” realness when she came out to the ring… Willam’s comically hell-bent on playing what she thinks is a hot-girl card when, in actuality, all the bitch has is an expired motel room key… The Princess decidedly doesn’t rise to the challenge… and LaShauwn is just in over his poor, sweet head…

Bottom Two: The Princess & LaShauwn. Lip-Synch: Donna Summer’s “Bad Girls”. The Princess knows what she’s doing; LaShauwn doesn’t have a clue. No brainer: LaShauwn sashay’s away. LaTrice looks like Viola Davis at the end of “The Help” following this announcement. 

C’est tout.